Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
