1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
