this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
