i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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