I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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