You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
