Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
