So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
