she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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