Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
