"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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