i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
