Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
