i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
