There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you would pick up someone in the library
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
