Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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