A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
