I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
