Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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