U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
