I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
