i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
