i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize