Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Found the puke drawer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i think im in europe. pls send help
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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