you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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