turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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