Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
