white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
where does the pee come out of this thing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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