Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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