My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As shirtless as possible
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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