This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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