Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
