Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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