I think my vagina is haunted
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
