I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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