I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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