this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
be right there i have to get my cape
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize