Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
