Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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