A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
