The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize