Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
