clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
