You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
