addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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