Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
