Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
