i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
