But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize