The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
