A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
