haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
