Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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