no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
