my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
