The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
