Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
