why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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