My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
