Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I believe in your delicious
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
