So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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