totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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