Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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