he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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