so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
