my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
