That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
