it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize