just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
