I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
