I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
