ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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