i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
