from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
