I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
