TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
