So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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