I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
