she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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