I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
