We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
