Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
