My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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