Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
