East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had to cum in my sink.
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