So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
