it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
how does that bad decision feel?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
