I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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