Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
