Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Welp...herpes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize