Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
