I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Boobs speak an international language.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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