did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
