Will you blow on my dice?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
