Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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