All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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