Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
